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Eating Like Superman

Liz (feeding Cole): Wow, Cole! You’re eating so good. You’re soooo hungry! You’re, like, super hungry right now. But you’re eating soooo good. You’re like a little super eater man! No, you’re eating like Superman!!

Me (after pausing to think about that last sentence for a moment): Actually, hun, I don’t think Superman eats.

Liz: What?

Me: Well, I’m pretty sure if he was trapped in a desert or something, he wouldn’t need any food or water. He’s, like… super. Y’know?

Liz: What are you talking about? Of course he needs to eat. He’s got a mouth and a stomach just like you and me. It’s not like he’s an alien or something.

Me: No, actually, he is an alien. Planet Krypton ring a bell?

Liz: Well, whatever. He still needs to eat. I’m pretty sure I saw him eating at some point in the movie. He needs to do other things that humans do.

Me: Oh yeah?

Liz: I know I’ve seen him and Lois f—

Thankfully, today’s modern world comes replete with the power of the internet to argue these important issues for us. And just for the record, this Wiki article has this to say about Superman’s inhuman abilities:

Theoretically, Superman has unlimited stamina, nourishment coming from the solar energy his cells process; he does, however, have the psychological need to eat, drink and sleep just as humans do. He can also hold his breath for an undefined duration.

Oh, thanks for settling that one.

I’m in a Hell of Lot of Trouble: The Four Year Comedy Tour of President George W. Bush

I may be the only one I know who’s willing to admit to being a long time appreciator of comedian Richard Lewis. His anxiety-laden routines, such as I’m in Pain, I’m in Hell, and I’m Doomed spelled out Jewish guilt and life on the therapy couch in a cathartic flush of pain and laughter. Despite his material’s adult and personal nature, I could easily relate to his wild rants as a boy growing up. In hindsight, Catholic school probably made that possible for me, along with a few of my own yet to be diagnosed mental disorders. But I digress.

Why is it that these days I’m forced to think of Richard Lewis’ schtick every time I see George W explaining something to the media? I don’t really know. Low public opinion polls and a clear disregard for the Constitution he swore to uphold may have something to do with with the why. But this brief Slate article seems to touch what it all could actually mean.

George Bush is a quick wit. When a camera fell and dangled from the briefing room ceiling at his Jan. 26 press conference, he quipped to those seated below: “Are you wearing your helmets?” Later, a radio reporter prefaced his question about the Jack Abramoff scandal by saying he wasn’t interested in pictures of Bush and the disgraced lobbyist. “Easy for a radio guy to say,” Bush interjected.

I wish the president’s serious answers were as tart and on point. Dealing with delicate issues on camera, Bush’s mind may work just as quickly, but he keeps his mouth shut. The pause to think gives him away. When he doesn’t punch out a response, he’s not puzzling out the answer. He’s puzzling out the spin.

Jedi Photoshop Trick

The right elements sort of just came together and the next thing I knew I was making this Star Wars spoof for a friend at work. His daughter is only a few months older than Cole but obviously harboring a much higher midichlorian count.

And to think some people get paid for this kind of stuff.

Lost With Nowhere to Go But Up

I can’t say I blame this Christian culture watcher for wanting to co-opt the meaning behind the popular television series Lost. Having just watched the entire first season on DVD (we’re about, oh, eight months and a few diapers behind the rest of the country here at the Schindler residence), I have to admit, it’s probably one of the best shows in TV history. And incidentally that sound you hear is my wife and I literally stoking with anticipation for season two. So if you’re watching this season and have already come across some of the island’s best kept secrets, keep them to yourself please.

Lost has to be one of the most spirituality concentrated shows I’ve ever seen. But you don’t have to go more than three episodes into the first season to realize that there’s far more underneath it then the well-known traditions of Judeo-Christianity. Clearly, the writers wanted to present a microcosm of philosophical ideas and allegorical characters, not simply retell theological trivia from the world’s largest cult. And what better place to do so then on an island with some 40-odd survivors of a continental plane crash? There are obvious biblical references, the significance of the aforementioned number chief among them, and I know them all pretty well. But the trace elements of Islam, Paganism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and even Voodoo cannot be denied. Mix in some humanistic character development with a twist of sci-fi flavored suspense, and those mystical forces truly give the show a depth which I don’t think has ever been explored on modern television.

I’m reminded how some people similarly tried (and still try) to shoe horn Christian subtexts into another successful piece of pop culture—The Matrix. Of course, that assessment was way off base too, as the Wachowski brothers were really just interested in using Baudrillard’s version of Postmodernism (misapplied as it may have been), among some other philosophical notions, in order to tell a story that just happened to have a savior character as its main star. And much like the show Lost, that movie made a concerted effort to cast out a fairly large cultural net. From elements of Tao to reincarnation, The Matrix opened up a dialogue about multiculturalism and religion that I think most failed to see, or at least as much as I can tell, give due credit.

And so it appears to be with Lost.

This isn’t really a shame to me, as I know there can be a lifetime or two between the signifier and the signified, and I can’t say I blame anyone for trying to find a more relevant meaning to any type of art, but I do find that kind of behavior curious. As certain groups begin mounting yet another backlash against Hollywood, I wonder if they’ll stop to reconsider.

Because in my mind there’s not less spirituality going on in the cultural consciousness. There’s a whole lot more. And it’s far more broad and intelligent than it ever was. I wonder, though, if that may be proving to be a little too much soul for some people to take.

The Shredder

I get this way when I read Newsweek sometimes too. Actually, I can think of a few accounting firms that might be able to provide my boy with steady work.